Keep Quite or Speak Out ?

Ehem. Okey.. Im just an ordinary girl which trap between her own feelings. Seriuosly, idk how to contol myself. my anger my pain. tak tahu apa nak buat untuk hilangkan perangai buruk tu. i have a boy. kesian dia. asyik kena marah . with me of course. sighh. jujur tak pernah pun niat nak marah dia tapi perasaan cemburu, dengki, rase terabai selalu wujud dalam diri. example like when i called him but he didnt jawab call tu . lepas tu terus on9 whatsapp or whatever else. its annoys me. bukan nak mcj or call balik.. haha like a kid kan? but no im going to be 18 . tenaage okey

Hes an orphan. his late mother passed away and live with his siblings. ilove him. i do. i wish to see him happy always. but with me.. that i usually give him is pain. even dia punca aku marah tapi last2 dia yang akan menangis . bersalah sangat. i tried to remove my bad attitude. but i failed. always failed. we made many promises n deal. eg : will not keep any secret even it will going to hurt other feelings. dulu, dia suke pendam semua masalah dia. but now alhamdulillah dia akan cerita even kadang2 kene pakse sikit. now, im feeling like that. like wanna keep all my pain n prob away from him. dont want him to know. but he always keeping on push me to tell like i usually do to him when he tried to keep something secret from me. we'r almost 2 years. n its just begining. kadang rase kesian kat dia. rase macam tak layak untuk dia. hes a nice boy with a great attitude while me? hahahaha i can say he's more rajin than me. i wish i can be like him. layak ke aku untuk dia?

Bila aku putuskan nak tinggalkan dia. He will cry. n i cant hear his tears. Jujur. aku sendiri tak sampai hati tinggalkan dia . haha. im too sensitif . soft heart . extra jealous. hmm what should i do? stay quite  or just tell him the truth?

Hate to admit it. I hate my self. I want to change to be a better girl.

If we just hope and pray we cant get what we want.

We need to have some courage to get it !